iSkRamboLd th0ugHtS

I hope people will not mis-interpret my intentions of posting this. I just found these thoughts interesting when I read Pearl S. Buck’s Mandala…which I haven’t finished yet. Anyway, these are interesting because they somewhat coincide with my thoughts and feelings all because of some personal experience. If unforgivable, I hope I be cut some slack. I do, afterall, bleed.

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"Women are sad. The cause for this basic sadness is that women allow themselves to dream of faithfulness in love. It is only a dream and dreams are always dangerous. For men can not be faithful. Their nature forbids it. When a dog sees a rabbit, his jaws quiver and his saliva runs. He can not help it. Similarly, when a man sees a young and pretty woman, however he may wish to be faithful to his wife, his jaws quiver and his saliva runs. You will be foolish if you allow yourself to be hurt."

"How can I prevent being hurt?"

"Try not to love your husband too much"

"But is it not my duty to love him as much as I can?"

"I know very well that if you allow yourself to love him, you will assuredly be hurt. Read your books, study your music, learn languages, do anything to occupy your time and your mind, but keep from loving your husband too much — or any man."

"What other man could I love?"

"Of course there is no other."

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"What is a wife?"

"A wife, little one? A wife is what a man comes back to. He wanders — oh yes it is to be expected that he wanders — but she must not upbraid him. She must only say in a gentle small voice, ‘Darling, how have I failed you?’ Since she is a good wife, he will be angry at himself, and so he will speak angrily at her. ‘Shut up," he will shout. ‘Don’t say anything.’ But when he has had his affair and he is finished with the other woman, he will come back to his wife and he will ask her forgiveness."

"And will she forgive him?"

"She will forgive him. She will say, ‘Darling, I love you, I will always love you.’ This is her duty"

"But will he love her?"

"…he will respect her…"

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I can do neither of those things. I have too much pride and love for freedom in my heart. Of course, craving for love. But…my mother can do those things. She’s been doing that all these years. That amazes me–how does she do it?

So while doing some
advance reading for my History 1 class [yes, I studied in advance], I
stumbled upon this discussion/portrayal of the Filipinos’ Common Traits. All of
them witty and interesting but this one caught my appeal. This excerpt is taken
from the eight edition of Teodoro A. Agoncillo’s History of the Filipino People.
The book’s was first released in 1960. If you ignore the pesky blotchy Times
New Roman font, the book is a good read.

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 Probably the most discussed trait of
the Filipino, especially by the white foreigners and by some Filipino sociologists
and psychologists who carry their bag of esoteric terms, is the sense of pakikisama.
Simple as the term may appear to the merely learned, this Filipino trait has
not been fully understood, especially its connotations. In its original
connotation, pakikisama may be translated loosely as the intensive
signification of camaraderie or spirit of comradeship, the main elements of
which are unselfishness and good faith. There is, therefore, no element of
deceit, or dishonesty, or subversion of justice, attached to the term. Thus the
terms mabuting makisama and its opposite, masamang makisama,
really refe to a person’s way of dealing with his fellowmen: if he is selfish,
or if he is incapable of empathy, of if he considers himself “an island entire
of itself”, he is described as “masamang makisama”. But if he is an
understanding man, unselfishly helpful, and participates cheerfully in any
community work, he is described as “mabuting makisama”.

 Today, however, owing mainly to the
inroads of “civilization”, particularly of politics and materialism, the term pakikisama
has been, to many people, especially to the so-called sophisticated,
debased into an attitude that makes an amiable crook well-liked or at least
admired. For a person to be described as “mabuting makisama”, he must be
dishonest, mentally or otherwise, or unjust, or unfair, or unprincipled by
subverting justice in order to be in the good graces of many naïve people or,
to use the badly battered cliché, “to have a good public image”. He is “mabuting
makisama” if he subverts justice to place his relatives, friends,
adulators, subservient followers, or relatives of his queridas in juicy
positions even without any qualification. He is “mabuting makisama” if,
as administrative head of a university, college, or department, he promotes the
fawning nincompoops and ignoramuses, the serving flatterers, and the slavish
dolts to high positions, or gives them privileges not given to men and women
whose honor, integrity, and self-respect inhibit them from acting like serfs.
He is “mabuting makisama” if he helps a friend, a political follower, a
relative, or a subservient subaltern by stealing from the public till in order
to practice a bogus philanthropy. On the other hand, he is “masamang
makisama” who is too honest and just to pervert justice; who refuses to
kowtow to imbeciles and morons with high administrative positions; who insists
on merit and merit alone, not on subservience or political or personal
connections, as the basis of promotion; or who refuses to steal from the public
treasury in order to have something to give his querida or to his lazy
friends and relatives.

 Thus, in Filipino society today, the
most popular and highly respected people are not the honest intellectuals and
artists, but the “respectable” robbers in high public positions; the experts in
issuing public releases praising themselves for fictitious achievements; the
crooked public relations men who are adept at twisting facts in order to make
an idiot appear a genius in public; and the unprincipled politicians who have
never heard of deceny and honor. The beautiful Filipino trait of pakikisama
has, therefore, been denuded of its nobility by the political imperatives and
by the perverted sense of values that have dominated the character of many
Filipinos precisely since the last World War. That noble trait has disappeared
from the urban centers and can only be
found in its pristine form in the “backward” hamlets where the people have
either been untouched by “civilization” or have been able to defend
successfully their simple life against inroads of crass materialism.

 Such is the profile of the Filipino.
Like all men the world over, he has the weaknesses of the fallen Adam. But he,
too, has his strengths and with these he finds his way in and about the society
in which he lives and expects to die.

To My Nasty TEMPER:

Your limit, I know, is like a burning matchstick and constantly I push you to what is humanely normal. Bear with me, my anger management seems to be haywire for the past month or so, a couple maybe, and I’m trying my best to make amends with your less consuming side. You are, afterall, combustible like gasoline exposed to a lighted cigarette.

I will regain control over you. Never again will you take me over. Breath by breath, I will dominate you. Temper, temper, you are a part of me, so I am you as you are me. But I will put my foot down and conquer you, nasty temper. You will never consume me again.

Three Miles Down[Saves The Day]

Oh greatHere I go againI'm stuck in this rutAnd I'm not sure how to beginShould i tell you everything?I'm feeling out of luckSo i won't see you soonCause i know its too soonFor you to see meIf this is the last thing you doJust tell me that it's okayFor me to have these feelings for youAnd its normal to want to call youOh I'm dialing the phoneLetting it ring for hoursPretending to hear your voiceWhy does my heart alwaysBeat before yours does?After a while you canMake yourselfBelieve in almost anythingSo I'm making myself believe in you

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OK so it's a depressed song. And... I've been feeling down these past few days. You can't blame me. Nope, not a bit. Don't ask.